


bite me

by avapacifica



Series: October Writing Challenge 2019 [4]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Amputation, Cannibalism, Cannibalistic Thoughts, Come join us, Cooking, Crack, Eating, I'm ashamed, It's a whole party, M/M, Peter's ashamed, Secrets, Self-Mutilation, Shame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 01:20:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20899286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avapacifica/pseuds/avapacifica
Summary: Peter has cannibal urges. Wade helps him out.





	bite me

**Author's Note:**

> Day 4: Secret  
Please don't ask what this is. I thought of this idea at 4 in the morning on a bus to New York City when I was extremely sleep deprived. Now 6 months later I actually wrote it, once again, sleep deprived. I think we're seeing a pattern here. Anyways, can't tell if this is crack or not, so you can decide for yourself.

Peter has always known he’s not like other guys. Growing up, he’d always think the men in underwear ads looked tasty. You’re probably thinking, “oh, Peter’s gay.” But that’s really only half of it. He thought the dudes looked legitimately delicious. 

Peter thinks he’s a cannibal. 

Even before Spider-Man, he always knew he’d never act on it. His heart wouldn’t allow it. He wasn’t about to go Dahmer on the world, it’s already screwed up as it is. So what if he occasionally thought about eating someone while masturbating? He wasn't hurting anyone, and everybody has a weird kink, his just happens to be cannibalism.

And now he’s with Wade, who god damn, is fucking attractive. Peter has seen pictures from before, and wow, what a snack. But now? He’s straight up edible. Something about his flesh, it’s like nothing Peter’s ever eaten before, and he  _ really  _ wants to. 

It’s so wrong on so many levels. 

First off, if Wade knows Peter wants to eat people, he’ll think that’s the only reason he’s with him. Which it’s not, Peter hadn’t even been thinking of the convenience of it when they got together. If he were to tell him, the merc would probably go straight to thinking they were only a couple because he’s basically a renewable cannibal resource. 

Secondly, Deadpool can still feel pain. And there’s no way to really remove anything that Peter wants to eat without it hurting quite a bit.

And third, cannibalism is wrong or whatever. But Peter figures that with all the shit Wade’s done, maybe this isn’t _that _bad.

When they first got together, Peter promised himself he would never say anything about it. He had kept it secret from others his whole life, all his partners. Then again, none of his other boyfriends or girlfriends looked this yummy. Everyday is harder and harder, and it’s getting to the point where Peter wants to admit it. 

Now he’s barely speaking around his boyfriend, and Wade’s noticed. And although talking things out isn’t what he’s best at, he thought he’d give it a try. To find out what’s going on at the very least. He sits him down one night, not telling him beforehand. He wants this to be as honest as possible.

“Pete,” oh, so this was serious. No nicknames or anything. “What’s up with you lately? You’ve been acting different.” Better to bite the bullet now, no point in hiding anymore. 

“You have to promise not to judge.” Peter starts, “You’ve done some pretty fucked up stuff too.” He notices Wade grinning. “What?”

“I’m just curious to see what has your panties in a twist. Though I must admit, I’m not expecting much.” If he only knew. Though he will soon, so whatever. “Come on, out with it Spidey.” 

“I want to eat people.”

He’s not looking at the merc’s face, but he’d expect him to be laughing at this point. Thinking it’s a joke. That’d probably be better. Because god, if he believes him, then his view of him is probably changing by the second. Not wanting to dig this whole any deeper, he tries to back himself up. Not lie exactly, but make it sound less psychotic, if that’s even possible. 

“Of course I’d never act on it, I couldn’t hurt anyone. It’s just something I’ve been thinking about for a while, and I’ve just been thinking about it more lately, and I feel guilty because I’ve been thinking about you like that.” He finally looks up. Wade is still smiling.

“I’m down.”

“What?! Why are you so calm about this?” Peter questions him. This was definitely not the response he was anticipating. 

“Hey! You can’t judge me, you’re the one who just said he wanted to eat me.” He does have a point, Peter supposes. He still would feel guilty about it though. 

“I can’t ask you to do that. That’d be really painful” Peter tells him. He doesn’t think any amount of Deadpool hurting is worth his selfish desire. 

“That pizza you made us eat last night was painful, this is nothing.” 

“Are you sure?” Wade nods.

“Now come on, what part of me looks the tastiest.” Peter reaches up, caressing the side of his boyfriend's face. They make eye contact. “Haha.” Wade deadpans. “Let’s make fun of the scars.” He’s kidding of course, but Peter looks hurt.

“I wasn’t joking. Your head, it’s not like anyone else's. It looks delicious.” Wilson is somewhat flattered at that, though he doesn’t know if that’s something he should feel good about. Whatever.

“Well, it’s after eight, and I really don’t feel like peeling off my face again.” Peter looks up questioningly. “Story for another time.” He waves it off. “But would a few fingers do? Just to start.”

Peter feels like he’s about to burst with happiness. He looks like it too.

“That would be amazing.”

Wade is already on his way to the stove. He pulls out a cutting board, placing his hand on it. He brings a knife up over it, and lets it fall down. He winces, but that’s about all of his reaction. Bless his high pain tolerance. When he first started dating the spiderling, he didn’t think this was where he’d end up, but he’s seen weirder.

He throws the appendages into a pan, pours a little bit of olive oil in, and covers it to let it cook. Wade figures it’s okay to let it simmer, and makes his way back to the table. 

“You seem to have experience with that.” 

“I was married to Shiklah, she was into some weird shit. Didn’t think you’d be like her in this way.” Peter looks down at his hands, almost ashamed. “It’s not a bad thing, I knew there was something off about you, I’m excited you finally told me. Makes me wonder what else you’re hiding.”

“I think you hide enough stuff for the both of us.” Peter doesn’t care really, where a lot of curious partners often would. He figures that if he knew all the stuff Deadpool did in his free time, he’d probably gone as insane as him at this point. “Do you want me to bandage that for you?” He gestures towards Wade’s hand.

“Nah, they’ll grow back soon.” He makes his way back to the stove, and throws a few spices in the pan. He takes a spatula and presses the fingers closer to the metal. Peter can hear the sizzle, he thinks his mouth is watering. “Oh shoot, I forgot to wash them beforehand.”

“It’s better that way.” Peter whispers. Wade has held in quite a few laughs this evening, but he can’t contain this one. Peter glares at him, but he just shrugs. 

“You’re about to eat me, I’m allowed to laugh if I want.” He scoops his digits out of the pan, placing them in a bowl he’s pulled out of the cupboard. He’d do more to season them, but Peter looks like he’s about to explode, so he just settles for salt. He brings the bowl over to Peter, setting it in front of him.

“Do I just… go for it?” Wade pushes the bowl closer. Peter picks one up, the pointer he thinks, and examines it for a moment. Then in it goes. He bites off a bit of where it was severed. 

“Oh my god.” Wade raises an eyebrow. “This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten. Soulmates do exist. Thank you so much.” He goes in for a kiss, Wade meets him halfway.

“Oh no, is that someone else I taste on my man’s lips. Oh wait, that’s me.” Peter is too absorbed in the dish to listen. Seeing how much he’s enjoying it, Wade tells him, “Next time we have sex, you better not bite my dick off.” He leans in to steal another kiss before Peter’s mouth is too full of himself. Peter catches the other’s lip between his teeth, waits a few seconds, then releases it. He smiles.

“Just kidding.”

**Author's Note:**

> Highkey scared to see what people think, but leave some feedback or kudos, I'd love to hear from you!


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